Funeral etiquette and what to wear
What to wear, when to arrive, and what to say.
What to wear
Smart clothing in dark or muted colours is traditional, unless the family has requested something different. Any specific wishes will usually be included in the funeral notice or invitation.
Black is traditional, but navy, grey and other understated colours are equally appropriate. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable and are there to pay your respects.
Some families request bright colours, football shirts or more casual clothing to reflect their loved one’s personality. Following these wishes can be a meaningful way to pay tribute.
When to arrive
Aim to arrive around 10 to 15 minutes before the time shown on the funeral notice. Follow the funeral director’s guidance about seating and allow space for the immediate family.
If you arrive late, enter quietly if it is appropriate to do so, following the guidance of the funeral staff. If the service has already begun, they can advise you on the best way to join.
Phones stay off
Switch your mobile phone off or put it on silent before entering the service, and avoid using it during the ceremony. Please do not take photographs or make recordings during the service unless the family and venue have given permission.
Flowers or donations
Check the funeral notice for the family’s wishes about flowers or charitable donations. If it requests family flowers only, please respect that request.
If you would like to send flowers, we can advise on arrangements for the families whose funerals we are organising. Our funeral notices include relevant details where available.
Bringing children
Children can attend funerals, and whether to bring them depends on their age, understanding and your family’s circumstances. Our separate guide offers advice on preparing children for a funeral.
What to say to the family
A few sincere words are enough. You might say, “I am so sorry for your loss” or share a brief memory of the person who has died. You do not need to find the perfect words.
You are not obliged to attend the gathering afterwards. If you can only attend the funeral service, your presence and support will still mean a great deal.
If you are arranging the funeral, contact us for guidance
We can explain what to expect on the day and help you prepare the funeral notice. You can also read our guide to what happens on the day of the funeral.
