Children and funerals
Helping children understand funerals, decide whether to attend and find ways to take part.
There is no single right answer about whether a child should attend a funeral. Giving them an age-appropriate explanation of what will happen can help them decide whether they would like to come.
This page is about children attending someone else’s funeral. If you are arranging a funeral for a child, that is a different page.
Help them decide whether to attend
Tell them what will happen first, and then ask them whether they would like to come.
Explain where the funeral will take place, what they may see, how long it is likely to last and who will be there. Let them know that people may cry or show their feelings in different ways. Give them time to ask questions and accept their decision without pressure.
Explain death in clear, simple language
Use clear words such as ‘died’ and ‘dead’ rather than expressions such as ‘gone to sleep’ or ‘lost’. Young children may take these expressions literally and become confused or frightened. Simple, honest explanations help children understand what has happened.
Ways children can take part
- Choose a song or photograph for the order of service.
- Draw a picture or write a card for the person who has died.
- Carry a flower into the service, if they wish.
- Sit with a trusted adult who can support them and take them outside if they need a break.
If your child would like to place a drawing, card or other item in the coffin, please speak to us beforehand. Some items may not be suitable for cremation, so we can explain what is possible.
Further support for children and families
Child Bereavement UK: Support for bereaved children and young people, and for families affected by the death of a child. Helpline: 0800 028 8840.
We are here to help
If a child will be attending the funeral, let us know when we make the arrangements. We can explain what to expect, discuss ways they might like to take part and help you plan for breaks if needed.
